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When deciding how to identify yourself to others, you might consider how you want to present your newly-accepted homosexuality. Keep in mind that the term you use to describe yourself is most meaningful as a way to help others know and understand you. Or maybe some other combination altogether. In your case, you may be experiencing a fluidity from pure heterosexuality to pure homosexuality (gay) or from primarily female-attracted bisexuality to primarily male-attracted bisexuality.
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This is called “sexual fluidity” and it is a concept that has been researched over the last decade or so. Even if you were deeply in love with your wife thirty-six years ago, it is entirely possible that your sexuality has changed over the years. Regardless of the reasons that brought you to your marriage, your current sexual identity gets to be a reflection of how you feel today. Only you know the level of attraction and romance that brought you into the relationship with your wife. Only you know whether your same-sex attraction is primary, meaning that your thoughts, fantasies, and desires only involve men, or if you also have sexual and romantic interest in women.
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Whether you are finally accepting your homosexuality after many years of suppressing it or it if you are newly discovering it now, you are free to identify yourself in any way that feels right to you. Not only might feelings and desires change, but confidence grows over the years and priorities shift as one ages. Sexuality absolutely can change and evolve throughout a person’s lifespan. And even though you have been in a relationship with a woman for many years, this does not have to be a factor in how you identify your sexuality now, if you don’t want it to be. Your relationship with your wife is to be honored for exactly what it was and is it is no less meaningful now that you are ready to explore new romantic territories. You and your wife may have questions about the validity of your lifelong partnership have you or she wondered whether you have been “living a lie” all these years? In my opinion, to sustain a partnership with someone for the length of time you have, it has required great caring, commitment, and compromise throughout the years. You grew up in generally conservative times when being straight and getting married were societal expectations. You do not mention where you are from, but there are very few places where, in the 1950s and 60s, homosexual tendencies were openly accepted and honored. Perhaps you have noticed and suppressed feelings for other men for some years. Only you know how long you have felt attraction towards men.
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You may wonder if it is possible to identify as gay after living a heterosexual life for so long. I imagine that changing your sexual identity at this stage in your life comes with a host of heavy feelings. You mention your age in your question, which says to me that it is a significant factor in your self-identification. Perhaps identifying as bisexual would feel less threatening to you? Or maybe you don’t think you deserve the label of “gay”? Although both identities involve having a physical and/or romantic attraction to a person of the same sex, being gay appears to be more serious in your mind, whereas being bisexual may not be quite as definite. You use the phrases “really gay” and “just bisexual”. I hear that to you there seems to be a big difference between being gay and being bisexual. I will share my thoughts with you and hope that some of my guesses accurately address your concern. I have considered your situation at length and I find I have several unanswered questions that make it challenging to give you a direct response. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and posing this question. Would love to discuss this aspect of my sexuality. I heard many therapists tell me that a label is not important but it is to me as to how I see myself.
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It is important that I have some clarity as to which I am. I need to find a way to decipher between the two. Coming to this conclusion has brought a lot of questions as to am I really gay or am I just bisexual. I have been married for 36 years and I am recently out to my wife. I believe with some uncertainty that I am a 60 year old gay man. How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work.Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists.
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